We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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