dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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