Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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