we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
