I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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