Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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