So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
