New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
