So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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