p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
