you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
