She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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