We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
