Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
