It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
