Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
