Buhtt sex?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
