1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
