Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
