I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
