I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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