dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
