Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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