Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
