I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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