You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
