Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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