I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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