My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
