Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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