She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
