I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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