You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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