Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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