my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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