Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
