a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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