You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
