i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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