...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
