that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
