it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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