you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
