i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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