How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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