bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
