hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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