you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
