If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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