I puked a lego.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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