It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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